January 2010
Jan 31st
10 notes
2 tags
How to speak Suzette aka my mother-in-illegal-law:
Hamburg = Hamburger Fudge Cookies = No Bake Cookies Mishubishu = Mitsubishi Mangos = Red Peppers (no joke) Southmore = Sophomore Penna = Penne Chex Mix = Nuts & Bolts
Jan 31st
10 notes
1 tag
Jan 31st
2 tags
Jan 30th
1 tag
My wife and her guitar
A few years ago Nat decided she was going to “teach herself” play the guitar. So, we bought her a guitar, and she downloaded chords, and watched video after video after video of random boys online playing Weezer songs, and Pink Floyd songs, and so on and so forth. She even started to learn the first few strums of “our song”…you know that song that you and your person...
Jan 30th
Listenjmarie3: I got the reference. Paul...
Jan 30th
2 tags
Talking about Nat's upcoming doppleganger post
Nat: Are you prepared for how incredibly cute I am? Because I'm about to post this.
Me: No, Nat, I am never ready for your cuteness. How many times did I tell you looked cute today?
Nat: I don't know, like 7.
Me: And do you think that's normal considering I've been looking at you for like 4 years now?
Nat: Well, I am pretty cute.
Jan 30th
1 tag
Jan 30th
1 tag
Dear Mr.TheMattSmith,
I love you. I have always loved you. If Nat says she loved you first she’s a liar. If your sweet little wife says she loves you most, she’s contractually obligated to say things like that. Come over and make us some pork, then get us drunk. You can wear Audrey on your chest whilst making us white Russians. Love Always, Lady88
Jan 30th
1 tag
Jan 30th
10 notes
1 tag
Jan 30th
3 tags
Dear Wife,
in response to your requestfor me to learn an instrument… I play the following: the recorder, i do a mean version of “shortnin bread” the piano…want me to play the battle hymn of the republic? Because I’ll freakin rock this house out right now the skin flute (although it’s been a while, I hear it’s just like riding a bike) the triangle…Ed...
Jan 30th
8 notes
1 tag
Everytime I lose a follower
i like to imagine that follower is a giant raging homophobe who recently realized that I am a big ole homo, and not simply just some person who doesn’t appreciate my antics. Jerks.
Jan 30th
13 notes
1 tag
Jan 30th
9 notes
4 tags
Jan 30th
3 tags
Jan 30th
I’m in bed with Rachel Maddow….meaning I’m in bed and she’s with me…on the television. Still, I’m totally pantsless with Rachel.
Jan 29th
15 notes
Jan 28th
3 tags
Jan 28th
15 notes
1 tag
Jan 27th
7 notes
1 tag
Jan 24th
2 tags
Jan 24th
252 notes
3 tags
Jan 22nd
2 tags
Jan 18th
25 notes
1 tag
Someone wake me when people are done saying "LOL"....
I just can’t take it anymore.
Jan 17th
2 tags
Jan 16th
120 notes
2 tags
*Things that I have found make me immediately...
Jesus fish on cars people who say “blessed” instead of lucky, fortunate etc… cross necklaces Churches Atheletes praying before and after sporting events anyone being instructed to swear on a Bible while raising their right hand Hunting camouflage Did I say churches? Christian music Baptisms CHURCHES People who say “Gob bless you” and not just “bless...
Jan 16th
Jan 16th
5 notes
my mother always said that magic 8 balls are from...
ask me something
Jan 16th
2 tags
Jan 15th
2 tags
Words and phrases my wife has used today:
skankariffic trim John Stamos sour cream would probably be delicious on a vagina smuggle some moonshine into this shitfest I actually have a slim, delicate vagina and an immaculately even flow.
Jan 15th
21 notes
1 tag
Jan 15th
3 tags
In reference to our pending movie date with her...
Nat: We ARE going to see that crappy movie right?
Me: Yep.
Nat: Well then I need to have another beer.
Jan 15th
11 notes
1 tag
I really need a job and I'll take any position...
as long as it doesn’t involve having sex with old people for money, or bear traps. Those are my two bugaboos.
Jan 15th
10 notes
2 tags
Jan 15th
6 notes
Glad to see that I woke up with the same symptoms...
Jan 15th
Jan 15th
1 tag
Jan 15th
3 tags
Jan 15th
Jan 15th
3 tags
Not gonna lie
I judge people on their ability to immediately recognize even the most subtle SNL reference.
Jan 15th
3 tags
Jan 15th
1 tag
And JUST for the record
Harry in addition to be a member of the Henderson family is ALSO a motherlovin Sasquatch. A Big Foot people. He’s a BIG FOOT.
Jan 14th
3 notes
3 tags
Jan 14th
1 tag
Jan 14th
1 tag
Jan 14th
5 notes
2 tags
Consider yourself warned...
I’m downinthemotherfuckindumps thus I will most likely be smeaing a mixture of hot women, sporty women, and stupidly funny stuff on your dash. It’s like comfort food for my eyes.
Jan 14th
6 notes
1 tag
Jan 14th
11 notes
Jan 14th
3 tags
Big Foot=Sasquatch=Harry
Me: People really loved my Sasquatch picture and confession.
Nat: That is NOT Sasquatch, it's Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.
Me: Same thing!
Nat: No. Not the same.
Jan 14th