January 2011
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On the topic of big boobs (circa 1997):
My Dad: You're not going out of the house wearing that.
Teenage Me: What? Why? It's just a t shirt!
My Dad: I don't care what it is...it's not appropriate.
My Mom: Bob, it's a v neck t shirt. It's actually one of YOUR v neck t shirts.
My Dad: That can't be true...that has to be a woman's shirt.
My Mom: Bob, she has large breasts...shirts fit her differently than most girls her age.
Teenage Me: *sigh, eye roll, TOTAL humiliation*
Anonymous asked: Ok, as a later-in-life lesbian, how did you convince other girls that you were legit? I'm 26 and I've never slept with a girl but I am really dying to. If you met a 26-year-old hetero-virgin, you'd probably totally avoid that person (or at least I would). I'm in very in touch with my female (and technically hetero up to this point) body and my sexual needs and I'm finally...
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For a "French touch".
I was just walking down our street to our favorite meeting spot and there was a homeless man pushing a busted bicycle and he looked at me and pointed at the cracked sidewalk and said,
“If it were up to me I’d tear up all the concrete in this city and plant flowers everywhere for a nice French touch…”
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Listen up people. When you have giant boobs EVERY...
EVERY. SHIRT.
It’s not slutty…it just happens.
Now move along.
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themattsmith asked: Can I have some money?
ohsnapitsjayrod asked: OMG you have a money bin?? I'm so jealous, I have to keep my gay money in an old dildo box. Cause you know us gay boys, we love our dildos. lol
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Anonymous asked: I realize you're talking about gay marriage and not shopping necessarily, but its' easy for you to be up on your soap box because you have money.
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I never even mentioned Target.
But while we’re at it…you know the #1 reason why I hate Target?
Because they don’t play any music. It’s too damn quiet in there. All I hear is screaming kids and people talking on their ‘freakin cell phones.
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The masses are asses.
There are a shocking amount of people reblogging my mega rant about Chick-fil-A being anti-gay and adding comments about how they can’t afford to NOT shop at COSTCO and Target etc…??? Wait what?
You’re missing the point you morons people. You are SO missing the point.
It’s about GAY MARRIAGE not shopping sustainably.
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You know how I know I'm a lesbian?
Because I just googled “Jennifer Beals in suspenders” for no reason at all…besides the obvious of JENNIFER BEALS IN SUSPENDERS.
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1991redwoodroots asked: hi! I am a follower of your blog, as well as a Christian. I am aware of how my religion as a whole has treated people who are different for a very long time. I hope I don't come across as arrogant, or judgmental though to people around me. I believe in loving a person as who they are, homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, transgender, whatever.
The thing is that I don't...
The thing is that I don't...
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Why I can't "calm down" about it.
Yes we are all living in one world together and what not. But in THIS one world some of us are being told that we CAN’T live the life we want. So yes I get “preachy” yes I get “worked up” because for some people, some businesses, some politicians it’s acceptable for them to tell me that I soudln’t and/or can’t have a wife that is legally my WIFE....
And NO I do not have the recipe for "orgasm...
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Anonymous asked: You always call Fattynatty your wife and I know you got married in Vegas but did you also get legally married?
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Let's talk about motherfuckin Chick-fil-A. →
First off, anyone who is shocked at their announcement that they don’t support gays or gay marriage has been living in a ‘freakin hole of fast food denial. They play “Christian Pop” in their locations and they’re closed on Sunday FOR JESUS.Come on now people open your eyes.
Now I understand that some of you think Chick-fil-A is just a little piece of fast food...
WatchPortia sings Happy Birthday to Ellen…they’re just too cute.
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Dear John Mayer,
I know you get a lot of heat for being a douche, a supposed womanizer, a less than good vocalist and so on and so forth. Well, I am here to come out of my John Mayer closet and tell you that I don’t give two shits what the world thinks. When I hear Your Body Is A Wonderland it makes me want to crawl into bed with a soft soft soft female and do unmentionable things to her. Call me a...
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Attention morons and douche-bags!
When you preface something you say with “no homo” not only do you sound like a homophobic asshole, a bigot, and an idiot, but you also discredit ANYTHING that you might be trying to say.
Maybe instead you should say “no ignorant douche-bag“…it might make a little more sense because let’s face it, that’s ACTUALLY what you’re going to sound like.
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Text messages about my drunken state last night:
Me: Good morning love. Take a look at the bedroom floor it looks like we vanished out of our clothes.
Nat: Do you remember taking my tie off of me and saying "I don't understand how ties work?"?
Me: Well, I do now...I just remember feeling really determind to get you naked.
Nat: Mission accomplished.
On the topic of raising kids in the eyes of "God".
Natalie and I have had MANY MANY MANY conversations about this over the years. Where we each stand with God and what we want to offer our kids. We both grew up in VERY Christian families. We both had parents that led youth groups, and ministries, and missionaries and all kinds of hardcore stuff like that. We both also watched crazy shit happen in our church “communities” in mine it was...
Really "Radar"? YARN?
I mean I love yarn as much as the next girl/gay/elderly person, but REALLY? YARN? That’s what hits the “Radar” these days? I mean honestly, my cat could take a picture of yarn.
You’re doing it wrong tumblr. You’re doing it wrong.
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It's a BABY not a Golden Retriever.
*Prepare yourself. This is a makin gaybies rant.
So I’m watching THIS:
And let me say first it is well done, and speaks to MUCH of the ignorance in the world regarding families with same sex parents. This couple is loving and doing what comes instinctively to THEM. That being said…there is something horrible about it all.
These women are scanning pages of sperm donors like...
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*Pavlov's dogs 'aint got 'nothin on me.
If anything by Band of Horses is being played I’m ‘GONA ‘wanna get it on. I mean really. REALLY.
I get the bedroom eyes and feel all…
Same goes for Paolo Nutini…and Amos Lee…and…well I could go on and on.
Watch out.
*yes this will be very awkward if at any time I am with any of you who read this and any of these artists are being played…I am...
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Post vintage record player...lose 3 followers.
Those are the exact kind of followers I am MORE than willing to lose. Move along now, you will not be missed.
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Oh no. I'm THAT guy.
Every Time I hear people say how long it’s been since they last ate meat, and how if they now eat it they will become deathly ill, I immediately think, “Ughhhhh, enough already, shut your pie hole.”
And then today I said something about not eating processed crap and what not, then I heard myslef saying “I haven’t eaten fast food of ANY kind in well over a year, and I...
Natalie and I will be getting sauced up and...
Got questions?
You know where to stick ‘em.
thecomeback-kid asked: I just listened to your radio show. It was amazing and mind-blowing. Have you ever thought about writing a book about your experiences? It seems as if you've been through so much over the years that you could write a really good book that could help a lot of people
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In case you missed our radio debut.
Here you go. We are episode 37, aptly named “Lesbian”. I promise we don’t talk about scissoring for 90 minutes.
For Those Who Plan On Enjoying The Lesbians Later... →
ernestsewell:
…just an FYI, the chat room, on the show page itself, will be open. By default, you’ll be a “Guest” in the chat room, which allows you to watch the chat as you listen to the show, but you won’t be able to actually chat in there. All you have to do is create a BlogTalkRadio…
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Would I rather smell like skank or my mother in...
Me: Hey Naomi (girl whose office is next to mine) do you have any perfume or anything?
Her: Oh yeah. I have Victorias Secret Heavenly or Ed Hardy.
Me: Wow...decisions decisions.
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An attempted business meeting between The...
that is what my weekly two hour Monday morning meeting sounds like.
I wish I could do a shot of something every time one of these 54 brilliant chicks says “like”.
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I mean REALLY.
What kind of horrible backlash would a parent go through if they put that EXACT shirt on their daughter? Oh dear God the world would EXPLODE with rage.
“How dare you put your views and sexuality onto your child! You’re trying to turn them gay!”
But the SAME views. The SAME EXACT standard (only the mainstream version) is assumed upon a child and that’s acceptable?...
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Look it up.
I just sent a text to a friend of ours that was intended for my wife in which I said:
“How are you doing today? Are still feeling all bijjigity?”
I then had to explain the message was not for said friend but for Natalie, and THEN had to attempt to justify the fact that YES we use the word bijjigty way too frequently at the Wolff house.
What of it?
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The #1 thing I should NOT do when I'd rather be...
Listen to Ray LaMontagne radio while I write pereformance reviews in my dungeon of an office
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trthabtash-deactivated20110925 asked: You may have answered this before, but have you and Natalie decided who will get the honor of carrying the baby (when you obtain some lil' swimmers, of course)? I haven't been following either of you very long, but I don't think I've ever been so excited for a couple to start a family.
trthabtash-deactivated20110925 asked: You may have answered this before, but have you and Natalie decided who will get the honor of carrying the baby (when you obtain some lil' swimmers, of course)? I haven't been following either of you very long, but I don't think I've ever been so excited for a couple to start a family.