That's not very ladylike.

On being out at work.

I have not always had the feeling of acceptance at work that I have now.

I worked as an executive training and development director for a major restaurant chain in the Midwest, and it was by far the worst experience of my adult life.

I have been asked to take off my wedding ring, refrain from mentioning my wife, refrain from mentioning my partner, refrain from mentioning my girlfriend, refrain from answering “yes” when people ask if I’m married because “it’s not like it’s REAL”.

I’ve been asked to “just let people assume she’s your sister” when discussing being “allowed” to bring my wife to company Christmas parties and the like.

I was told not to tell people who work for me that I was attending gay pride because they’d “get the wrong idea”.

I’ve felt pressure to have my wife “femme up” for company gatherings so that we could avoid so many stares and side eyes. And then I’ve immediately felt the horrible shame of expecting her to change who she is just so I can blend in with the rest of the corporate drones.

I have felt trapped, and stifled, and hidden away. I’ve felt like the company gay joke. I’ve felt like less than a person because of who I am and more importantly because I refuse to hide it.

And for the record, I never once took off my wedding ring. I never stopped mentioning my wife, and not once did I leave her behind like something I’m ashamed of.

When I came out of the closet I lost my entire family. Over the years I’ve been fired twice for my “alternative lifestyle”, which is absolutely legal under federal law.

I already lost my parents, my brother, my nephews, my grandmother and of course many others after telling them who I am. Losing a few jobs along the way as well only helped me get to the place I’m in now, living in a city that accepts me, and working for a company that encourages me to live my life without hiding.

life as a gay

always out