That's not very ladylike.

On adopting our own children

After watching a video of my friend Jay adopting his SON Davis (who he and his husband brought into this world using a surrogate) I was crying right along with them. Not just out of happiness for them, but out of frustration at the ridiculousness that gay couples must endure in order to simply have a marriage and a family.

These men were married in Vermont, they paid a boat load of money to find the right surrogate, they honestly don’t even know which one IS the biological father because it DOESN’T MATTER TO THEM. And yet, there they stood in a court room answering questions ranging from personal to just plain ignorant, in order to be given legal rights to their own son.

I am ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS amazed and apalled at the number of people (gay and straight) who are clueless about the endless ways that gay people in this country are refused basic civil rights. When I mentioned to my own father-in-law (who is a very smart man, and a waaaay more of a liberal then I am) that Jay adopted Davis he said “well, why would Jay have to adopt him?” 

Gay rights (or the lack there of) are something that NO ONE seems to think about. No one, of course, except the millions of gay people whose lives, marriages, and children are effected by it everyday.

The thought of gay parents having to adopt their own kids should make you think for a moment (if you are of the hetero variety) about the things in your life that you naturally take for granted…sharing a last name with no questions asked, getting married in any state you happen to live in, having insurance for your wife who may want to stay at home with the kids, or simply being recognized as a legitimate couple in society. Think of filling out a tax form at a new job and checking that box “married”, think of how I feel when I have no choice but to check “single” when I have been married for almost 2 years now. 

One day, Natalie and I will have to stand in a court room and one of us will have to adopt our OWN child that we brought into this world together in a way that feels most natural to us. This image of us needing legal permission to parent our own children should make you angry. Today it just makes me want to cry.

rant MUCH needed

In Love With My Wife

life as a gay