That's not very ladylike.

Attention straight people!!!!

And now a message from my wife.

fflowtan:

It is not your job to be the bathroom police! If you see someone who appears to be the wrong gender entering your gender’s bathroom there is a 0.01% chance that they are genuinely lost. It is not your job to tell them that they are in the wrong bathroom. We are used to getting a second look because we understand that at first glance we do appear to be of the opposite sex but until we take that plunge to transition, we are just either masculine girls or feminine boys. We pee out of our vaginas and/or penises just like those of you who look like the figurine on the bathroom sign.

It actually takes us androgynous folks a whole hell of a lot of courage to just take a piss in public and we really don’t need any narrow minds calling out our biggest fears of not being accepted or understood.

I’ve had 2 beers. I have a vagina. I have a short hair cut. I’m taking a piss in the women’s room. Mind your own fucking business.

just let Natalie pee!!

the masses are asses

15 years of restaurant customers and holiday hell.

I am 32 years old. I’ve been working in the restaurant industry since Thanksgiving of 1996.

I’ve been a host, a server, a bartender, an expo, a line cook, a chef, a manager, a general manager, a corporate department head, a franchise development head, a director of training and development, and whole bunch of bullshit in between.

Here I am heading into my 15th holiday season in this industry and I just want to lay down and cry. 

I’m just TIRED.

I’m tired of managing the same things over and over and over again.

I’m tired of horrible customers with petty complaints.

I’m tired of working my ass off for 3 solid months while the whole world goes on Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and New Years vacation.

I’m tired of “holiday scheduling expectations for department heads” (translation: don’t even think about taking more than one day off per week until February).

I’m just TIRED.

As far as this industry goes, I have it made. I work for an amazing company, with an incredible boss. I love so much of what I do, and I’m incredibly good at it.

But every year around this time I feel such a HUGE sense of bitterness, and honestly, just a feeling of dread.

I’m not going to make it this year.

this entire post was an excuse to use an image from Jingle All The Way

the masses are asses

Restaurant customer pet peeve #352,456

When prior yo be seated the customer requests to sit “someplace warm”.

As if the seating chart is written by temperature?

just shut up

too many years in this biz

the masses are asses

I had to stand in the walk in for 5 minutes today and just gather my emotions.

Those of you who speak restaurant know what that feels like.

i should talk to some beer about my shitty day

the masses are asses

Your point is invalid because KIDS MENU!!!!!

I just had a customer call me to complain about a turkey sandwich that she ate 7 days ago that she felt was “a pathetic excuse for a sandwich”. 

Said sandwich was (oh so surprisingly) one she had carefully selected off our children’s menu.

“It should say somewhere on the menu that it’s only a half of a sandwich,” she says with a disdain.

“Well, ma’am, I really don’t think that is necessary, it’s a sandwich for kids, that’s why it’s on the kids menu…it’s for KIDS. Maybe if you ordered off of the adult menu in the future you would be more satisfied with the portion size.”

I must of talked to this woman for at least 10 minutes.

I finally used my wife’s favorite line that she uses on her angry customers, “this conversation is become quite circular, and think we can just agree to disagree.”

This woman wanted me to send her a refund IN THE MAIL for $5.50. 

*also, were you aware that “even kids deserve some mayonaise on their sandwich” how DARE we deprive the children of MAYO!!!!!????

no YOU'RE a pathetic excuse for a sandwich

the masses are asses

happy Monday

Why It Pays To Be Courteous To Food Service Employees

born-secular:

Because the restaurant manager might notice and then give you* your meal for free. And then thinks you are even awesomer when you return later to leave a tip for the busboy who served you, since you were planning on using your credit card but had no cash. Because he still did his job even if your meal was comped.  Thanks, busboy at Champps whose name I never got.

*you=me

___________________________________________

We have these regulars, they’re sisters, one is completely blind and they live across the way in a retirement community. They’re around 80 years old or so and they are sweet as pie and painfully cute. Anyhow, they come in 3 or 4 times a week and split a panini. They get the same thing at least 3 times a week and every time they rave about it like it was the first time they ever had it. One day I decided to buy them their lunch for being our favorite regulars and brightening our day. You would have thought I told them they won a million dollars. And you know what? These little old ladies, (who live in a VERY fixed income community) they INSISTED we take the $9.50 cost of their lunch and split it up amongst the staff. I swear to goodness it was the sweets thing ever. Everyone got somewhere around 25cents and we all cried a little.

I’m telling you, there needs to be a rule book on how to NOT act like a complete asshole in a restaurant. The WHOLE world could use it.

take notes people

don't be a dickhole

the masses are asses

On the topic of stupid consumers.

You have a product that you pay less for than what it is clearly worth.

At some point you will have to expect that the cost should need to reflect the worth as your every growing demands of said product continue to increase.

Demands are met.

The product improves.

You pay a little more for what you are now getting per YOUR demands.

If you don’t like it, don’t buy it.

And for Christ sake don’t be an asshole about it.

Think about the value of things, and stop being such entitled consumers.

And yes this is a post in defense of Netflix and the quality of my wife’s life.

the masses are asses

Everyone in the world should have to work in a restaurant for at least one week in order to eat in one.

And if they haven’t done the job then they can’t complain about the way the job is done.

Even Obama once worked scooping ice cream at Baskin Robbins…it should be a federal law that in order to BE served you must have once served yourself. This would make the world a much nicer place.

First Lady approves

unsolicited opinion of the day

the masses are asses

I’m somewhere close to 68 years old in restaurant years.

In a meeting with my staff today I added up alllllllllllllllll of the restaurants I have ever lead in either a management, chef, or training director capacity and came up with these insane numbers:

• I opened up 37 restaurants as a franchise operations consultant
• I’ve worked in a total of 67 restaurants across the country
• I’ve met infinitly countless assholes posing as customers

And I’m somehow still standing.

the masses are asses

subject

matter

expert

Ughhhhhhhhhh

Dear Huddled Masses,

There is no X in the word espresso.

I repeat: THERE IS NO X IN ESPRESSO.

No, I would not like an “expresso”. No, we do not serve “expresso”.

Please stop.

In Christ,

Everyone Else In The World

the masses are asses